Org Design: Holiday Edition
When I think back to family holidays, certain memories stand out—those special moments that made the time together unforgettable. Like the year our extended family organized a pre-dinner race, complete with homemade trophies. My 9-year-old still proudly displays his prized peregrine falcon statue from that day.
But not every holiday has been magical. As an introvert, I sometimes struggle to find my place at family gatherings, especially when I’m not hosting. I prefer to stay busy and helpful—it keeps me engaged and gives me a role. Some of my least favorite holiday moments are when I’ve found myself stuck in a chair, unsure how to contribute or start meaningful conversations. Small talk has never been my strong suit; I much prefer deeper, intentional connections.
This year, I decided to try something different. What started as a lighthearted idea for a blog post—a tongue-in-cheek take on adapting organizational tools for family gatherings—turned into an actual reflection for myself. I realized I could use these tools to set an intention for the holidays and prepare myself to show up more authentically.
My personal focus this year is on fostering authentic connection with my family. I want to take the time to go deeper in conversations, practice curiosity, and ask thoughtful questions. I also want to create opportunities for activity—whether it’s a family walk, games, or a group activity. (Let’s be real, wrangling 23 people into one organized effort can be a challenge, but it’s worth it.)
Here are some tools I’m using to prepare for the holidays. Maybe they’ll inspire you, too.
Strategic Intent: Holiday Survival Edition
An Essential Intent is a clear, actionable statement identifying the single most important objective you want to achieve. It’s not about doing everything—it’s about focusing on what truly matters to you.
Try this for yourself:
Define your own Essential Intent for the holidays. Ask:
What’s the one thing I want to accomplish this holiday season?
What’s the bigger purpose behind it?
Examples:
"Create meaningful connections by prioritizing quality time with family."
"Bring more joy and laughter to our gatherings by organizing a group game or activity."
"End the holidays feeling rested and grounded, not frazzled and overwhelmed."
This clarity can guide your decisions and help you focus on what truly matters to you, rather than getting swept up in everything else.
Even/Over Statements: Navigating Tradeoffs with Intention
Even/Over Statements are all about clarifying tradeoffs. They’re especially helpful during the holidays when competing priorities arise. These statements let you hold two values together while giving one a slight edge when you need to make a decision.
Here are some examples to try:
Time spent together even over time spent in the kitchen.
Creating a low-waste gathering even over convenience.
Finding fun and joy through games and conversation even over relying on drinks or devices.
Allowing flexibility in the schedule even over adhering to a rigid timeline.
Write a few of your own to guide how you’ll approach decisions this holiday season.
What more help with Even/Over Statements?
Family Working Agreements
Working Agreements aren’t just for the workplace—they’re a game-changer for family gatherings, too. Think of them as ground rules everyone can agree on to keep things running smoothly.
Examples you could suggest to your family:
"We take turns washing dishes—no one gets stuck doing it all."
"Phones are okay for Googling trivia but not during dinner."
"When someone needs space, we respect their time to recharge."
"We steer clear of politics and family drama until dessert (and even then, proceed with caution)."
Approach this lightheartedly—maybe brainstorm them together over hot cocoa!
What more help with Working Agreements?
User Manual for Me: Family Edition
Everyone has quirks, preferences, and habits. Sharing them openly can prevent misunderstandings and help others engage with you in ways that feel meaningful.
Prompts to create your own User Manual for the holidays:
"The best way to communicate with me during the holidays is…"
"Something I absolutely need to feel grounded during the holidays is…"
"The thing that drives me bonkers during family time is…"
"When I disappear for a moment, it usually means…"
This can be a fun way to help others understand you better—and maybe encourage them to share their quirks, too.
What more help with “User Manuals for Me”?
Make It Yours
Not every family will want to engage in these tools as a group. If you’re worried about how they’ll land, you can always use them as a personal reflection exercise. Clarifying your Essential Intent, creating a few Even/Over Statements, or writing your own User Manual can help you feel grounded and intentional about how you show up this holiday season.
If you do decide to introduce one of these tools during a family activity—like a pre-dinner grace or gratitude practice—make sure it’s inclusive and easy to understand. The last thing anyone needs is to feel left out or confused by an overly complicated activity.
Closing Thought
Family gatherings are messy, beautiful, and sometimes chaotic. These tools won’t make them perfect, but they might bring a little more intention, humor, and connection to the table.
This year, I’m going in with a focus on authentic connection, a willingness to encourage activity, and a bit of humor about it all. What’s your Essential Intent for the holidays?
Here’s to a season full of laughter, joy, and maybe even a family working agreement or two.
With warmth, humor, and a touch of intention,
Janie
