The Invisible Weight: Understanding Emotional Labor

TeamsCapabilities

Mar 16

Listening to an "Arthur" podcast with my four-year-old son recently, I was struck by an episode where Arthur's sister DW is angry at everyone. While most characters avoid her, Arthur's friend Francine does something different—she investigates why DW is upset. Francine talks with DW after school, takes her to movies, and buys her ice cream. When DW lashes out, Francine doesn't retreat but remains determined to be there for DW.

This children's show simply illustrates emotional labor. We all know people who look away from others' struggles and those who simply try to "solve" problems. But the Francines among us—those who validate emotions, truly see others, and do the invisible work of caring—are practicing a form of labor that's rarely recognized.

Ever noticed that some of the most important work in your nonprofit doesn't show up on a task list? It's the work of keeping people connected and cared for—especially when things get messy. We often call these "soft skills" or treat them like optional extras, but they're anything but. This relational, emotional, cultural labor is essential—and yet it's undervalued, unseen, and unpaid.

When it's invisible, it's not only unrecognized, it's often unappreciated. Gratitude rarely flows to those quietly holding things together. And when your cup is constantly filling others but no one stops to fill yours? That's a slow burn toward exhaustion.

The Work That Isn't Counted, But Is Felt

Originally coined by sociologist Arlie Hochschild, emotional labor referred to the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job. Journalist Rose Hackman, author of "Emotional Labor: The Invisible Work Shaping Our Lives and How to Claim Our Power," describes it as "the editing work of emotions that someone would do in order to have an effect on the emotions of someone else."

In the nonprofit context, this invisible work shows up in ways that are expected but rarely acknowledged:

Keeping team morale high – Encouraging staff through both small and large gestures. It might be a handwritten note left on a desk, a quiet check-in after a tough meeting, or creating space for connection as a team. This is deeply meaningful work that also takes energy—especially when you're filling others' cups while your own remains empty.
Navigating donor relationships – Managing the power dynamics, expectations, and sometimes conflicting priorities that come with funder relationships requires constant emotional regulation.
Supporting a community through trauma – Holding space for the communities you serve, especially when they're facing injustice or crisis, requires emotional reserves that are rarely accounted for in your job description.
Resolving conflicts – Stepping in to ease tensions or disagreements is draining. Sometimes it's even harder when conflict doesn't surface at all—when tension simmers beneath the surface. Navigating that unspoken stress, smoothing things over without acknowledgment? That's emotional labor, too.
Managing difficult stakeholders – Handling complaints while staying professional and representing your organization's values is a form of emotional labor that often goes unnoticed but takes a toll.

This is the work that makes everything else possible. And yet, because it's often invisible, it's undervalued. Because it's expected rather than acknowledged, it's unpaid. Because it's done in the margins of "real" work, it's exhausting.

As Hackman notes in an interview with Greater Good Magazine, "Emotional labor is not a bad thing. It's a wonderful thing. It's a thing that, ideally, everyone should be doing. But why is it that we still offload emotional labor on to women? Any kind of work seen as 'feminized' is seen as having little value."

For many—especially women, people of color, and those in roles that emphasize care—this labor isn't just an occasional act of kindness. It's a constant expectation. And that expectation carries a cost.

This gendered dimension of emotional labor is well-documented in research. A 2022 study by Vial and Cowgill titled "Heavier Lies Her Crown: Gendered Patterns of Leader Emotional Labor and Their Downstream Effects" found that while women in leadership positions tend to use power in more prosocial ways and engage in more emotional labor than men, this pattern creates a double bind. The researchers discovered that these emotional labor practices can benefit organizations and team members through increased well-being and trust, while simultaneously creating personal costs for women leaders that may contribute to their underrepresentation in top leadership positions.

The Unaccounted Cost

The toll of unrecognized emotional labor manifests in ways that should concern any nonprofit leader. Research by Vial and Cowgill (2022) reveals how this burden affects leadership pathways, particularly for women:

Burnout – When the work of holding it all together becomes unsustainable, leading to turnover that costs your organization its institutional knowledge and talent.
Resentment – When care is expected but never reciprocated, creating undercurrents that undermine organizational culture.
Reduced Influence – When time spent on emotional labor means less time for visible, strategic contributions, limiting career advancement for those doing this essential work.
Structural Injustice – When the people doing this work are disproportionately those already navigating systemic inequities, reinforcing patterns of whose contributions get valued.

Recognizing the Weight

For many nonprofit leaders reading this, there's a visceral recognition happening. It's that moment of validation when something you've felt but couldn't name is finally acknowledged. Consider these common scenarios:

The executive director who spends hours providing emotional support to staff while their own work piles up
The program manager who absorbs the trauma stories of participants while maintaining a supportive presence
The development director who manages donor emotions and expectations while hitting increasingly ambitious fundraising targets
The community organizer who holds space for both anger and hope while battling systemic injustice
The board chair who navigates personality conflicts while keeping governance on track

Each of these situations requires emotional regulation, cultural competence, and relational intelligence—skills that are as demanding as financial management or strategic planning, yet rarely acknowledged as such.

What Can We Do?

For Organizations:

Make It Visible – Name emotional labor when you see it. Acknowledge who is doing it and how it shapes outcomes. Include it in job descriptions, team discussions, and organizational planning.
Distribute It More Equitably – Everyone benefits from a healthy, connected workplace. Everyone should contribute to maintaining it. This doesn't mean everyone has to be a natural counselor—connection can be fostered in ways that align with people's strengths.
Compensate It – If emotional labor is essential to your organization's success, recognize it as real work—not just an expectation of certain people. This might mean adjusting compensation structures, creating specific roles, or allocating resources differently.
Create Support Systems – Provide resources for those carrying heavy emotional loads—therapy stipends, mental health days, and trauma-informed supervision.
Measure Impact – Develop methods to track the relational and emotional dimensions of work and their impact on organizational outcomes.

For Individual Leaders:

Set Boundaries – It's okay to say no. It's okay to redirect. It's okay to expect shared responsibility.
Build Community – Connect with peers who understand this dimension of leadership and can offer reciprocal support.
Develop Skills – Invest in strengthening your capacity for emotional regulation and resilience without taking on everyone else's emotional needs.
Practice Self-awareness – Notice when you're carrying an unsustainable load and what triggers overextension.
Advocate – Help funders and boards understand these dimensions of organizational health.

A Final Thought

Francine didn't have to help DW. But she knew there was more beneath the surface. She took time, listened, and made space for DW's feelings, even when it was hard.

There are people like this in our nonprofits and movements. The ones doing the unseen, unpaid, unspoken work of making everything work. It's time we start seeing—and valuing—them for it.

Imagine a nonprofit sector that fully recognized emotional labor as real work requiring real resources. We might see organizations that are not only more effective but more sustainable. We might retain the diverse leadership so essential to meaningful social change. We might create movements that model the well-being they seek to create in the world.