Building Better Boundaries
Why kind, clear, and consistent boundaries help teams thrive
I’m an elder millennial.
Raised on dial-up and dialed into hustle. Given praise for perfect attendance (at all costs) and constantly striving for perfection.
From an early age, I got the message—loud and clear—that performing, striving, and giving everything was the price of admission for leadership. I started my career I watched Boomer women I admired rise before dawn, work late into the night, and log weekend hours like it was a sport. The Gen X leaders weren’t far behind. Their calendars were packed with obligations and expectations that honestly made my stomach knot, but I stepped in line. I threw down. Because I thought that’s what leadership required. I thought I needed to simply say, “yes” to anything that hit my plate.
Boundaries? I had never even heard of the concept.
The first time I took a personality assessment for work the coach reviewed my results and said something that stuck with me:
"One of your core teaming behaviors is accommodating."
At the time, I bristled at that briefly and then flipped it on its head and looked at is as being “adaptive”. Helpful. A team player. It didn’t occur to me that accommodation can turn into overextension—and overextension into burnout.
The beauty of working with people of all ages is what you learn from them—especially when you least expect it.
At one point, I was managing a team of brilliant, eager care coordinators and health insurance exchange navigators. Many were fresh out of school. Smart as whips. Passionate. In all truth, I was a little intimidated. I figured I’d need to bring even more energy and hours to keep pace.
Then, after a particularly intense enrollment season (post-ACA, for those who remember), a new project landed on our team. It came with urgency from external partners and that familiar nonprofit ugency.
Before I could jump in, one of my team members gently asked a few clarifying questions about the timeline and expectations. Then she said something like:
"I can help with this piece of the project, but I’ve been working longer hours than usual and need to protect some time to recover. So I won’t be able to take on more right now."
I was…
Surprised.
Nervous about how I’d explain that to my leaders and funders.
And then… in awe.
It was a full cycle of emotions and a major learning moment.
I couldn’t recall a moment where someone named a boundary like that before—not in a way that was so grounded, thoughtful, and kind. It was clear. It wasn’t defensive. And it came from a place of knowing what she needed to stay well and do good work.
That moment cracked something open for me. And while it didn’t change everything overnight, it started a slow, necessary shift.
Years later, I’m still learning. Still unlearning. Still wrestling with the urge to accommodate, to say yes, to hustle harder when things feel shaky.
But I now know this:
Boundaries aren’t barriers.
They’re strategy.
They’re sustainability.
They’re leadership.
Reframe from Selfish to Strategic
Sometimes, the concept of boundaries feels harsh and like you turn into a big “no” monster. So let’s call it what it often looks like in real life:
Choosing not to check email after dinner
Saying “I’m at capacity right now” instead of overcommitting
Holding quiet time on your calendar—and defending it like it’s a meeting with your CEO
Turning off notifications when you're with your kids
Leaving the office (or shutting the laptop) without apologizing
Asking “What’s truly urgent here?” before jumping in
These are all ways we communicate limits, protect our energy, and create the conditions we need to do meaningful, sustained work. And when we don’t talk about them—when we assume others will just know or do the same—we create confusion, tension, or resentment.
That’s why Brené Brown’s reminder rings so true: “Clear is kind.”
Unspoken limits don’t make us better teammates—they just make us quietly overwhelmed.
And when we expect others to guess our bandwidth, we set everyone up to fail.
Because while boundaries are personal… they only work when they’re named, seen, and supported.
Adam Grant reminds us that boundaries aren’t about withholding. They’re what allow us to say yes—to the right things. “If I said yes to every book blurb I’m asked to write,” he said, “I’d end up doing them all badly—or missing out on the things that are really important to me.” That’s not stingy. That’s structure. And structure enables generosity.
In a world that glorifies “just one more thing,” boundaries are how we stay rooted in what matters most.
“Every ‘no’ is a chance to protect your best yes.”
Why is this so hard?
In his HBR article, “A Guide to Setting Better Boundaries” therapist and coach Joe Sanok shares that setting boundaries can trigger our oldest internal scripts—people-pleasing, perfectionism, or the fear that saying no means letting others down. He invites us to reframe boundaries not as harsh limits, but as essential tools for well-being.
Sanok offers a helpful distinction:
Hard boundaries – Non-negotiables that protect your well-being. ("I don’t work past 5pm.")
Soft boundaries – Aspirational or evolving. ("I’m trying to take one meeting-free afternoon per week.")
Naming the difference helps us—and others—respect what’s flexible and what’s foundational.
What leaders need to know
Boundaries aren’t just a personal development tool. They’re a leadership responsibility.
If you lead a team—formally or informally—ask yourself:
Do I model healthy boundaries in how I work and how I rest?
Do I invite my team to reflect on their boundaries, or do I assume they’ll speak up if something’s off?
Do we have shared expectations around time, availability, and sustainability?
Saying “take care of yourself” isn’t enough if the underlying culture still rewards the actions that lead to burnout.
Try this:
Model first. Say, “I’ll be off email tonight to recharge. Talk Monday.” Let people see your boundary in action.
Prompt reflection. In a check-in, ask: “What’s a boundary that’s helping you show up well this week?”
Make it shared. Co-create team norms: no-meeting Fridays, delay-send emails after hours, camera-optional meetings.
Celebrate boundary-setting. When a teammate protects their time or makes a values-aligned choice, acknowledge it. Normalize it.
Boundaries make generosity possible.
They don’t limit your leadership.
They support it.
They don’t slow down your impact.
They sustain it.
And they’re not just for you.
They’re a signal to everyone around you that it’s okay to be whole, human, and honest about what’s enough.
So take the step—however imperfect—to name what you need.
And make space for others to do the same.
Further Reading & Resources on Boundaries
📘 A Guide to Setting Better Boundaries – Joe Sanok, Harvard Business Review
Practical strategies for identifying your personal limits, defining hard vs. soft boundaries, and creating sustainable habits.
Read the article →
🎙️ How to Set Boundaries with Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab – ReThinking with Adam Grant
A powerful conversation about how boundaries enable deeper relationships, presence, and clarity—featuring therapist and author Nedra Tawwab.
Listen to the episode →
🧘🏽♀️ Setting Healthy Boundaries: 6 Ways to Create Space for Self-Care – Positive Psychology
Grounded tips for understanding emotional, time, and energy boundaries.
Read the article →
